Gents: Ever get into a fight or argument out of nowhere your lady brings something up that happened 5 months ago ?
Ladies: Ever doubt your man’s actions or get upset with him because of something that hurt you a little while back that you can’t seem to forget about?
See Also: How Men and Women Decide
Here are 5 incredibly important things to know about men and women to START living in the present and STOP living in the past in your relationship:
1. Men are single-focused, problem-solving, creatures. They do one thing at a time. Once a task is completed, they move on to the next. If there’s a problem, they fix it and move on. It’s that simple. Bringing up a previous problem, that he thinks has been solved, is VERY confusing to a man.
2. Woman are collectors and connectors. Women collect thoughts, feelings, emotions from specific events and hold on to them. Until she has been able to get a sense of closure by connecting with you (via sharing her feelings, or venting to someone she trusts) a woman will hold on to these memories for ages. (Check out: Why do women need to vent?)
So why do women bring up the past in relationships?
3. A woman will bring up things from the past because she wants you to understand and feel how she feels. This allows her to connect with you on a level that allows her to trust that she is safe and protective. This is the opposite of a man’s approach because he’s already moved on to the next thing, so it makes no sense to bring something up that he thinks has already been solved/fix/ended.
While a woman will store her feelings and emotions, men will put emotions in the backseat. The more you understand how completely different men and women process history and emotions, the better you’ll understand how to communicate… and the more you’ll love one another to the moon and back!
So how do you move on from the past?
4. Give your lady space to “vent”, share, hash it out, and provide a sort of closure to something that hurt her feelings. Remember, even if she’s talking about YOU, it’s not actually about you… it’s about how something hurt HER FEELINGS. Once a man does his best to listen and understand how his woman feels, she’ll put the past behind her.
5. Ladies, you must understand men do not process emotions like women. Women tend to evaluate their relationships a ton more than men(over analyze), which is another reason they’ll bring up things from the past. It’s a way women to analyze how good or bad the relationship is going. Remember, men typically do not over analyze, measure or evaluate the relationship the way women do. Men being problem solvers believe once the problem is seemingly fixed, or solved, it should go away. Therefore, bringing the problem up again seems useless, pointless, and exhausting.
So ladies, let’s stay true to living in the present and let go of the past! Men, let your ladies vent their feelings and try to understand how they feel, and this will naturally let them feel like they can put closure on the past.
Lastly, remember this lesson in love: The First to Apologize is the Bravest. The First To Forgive Is The Strongest. And The First To Forget Is The Happiest.