Dating Advice for Woman Who Over Analyze

Let’s start off by saying: IT’S OKAY, we all do it from time to time. The best thing you can do is own it by being aware and keeping it under control!

Here’s a scenario recently discussed with a friend who was feeling a little upset and unappreciated after a fun and light hearted conversation turned sour after her boyfriend forgot about one of the (many) gifts she gave him for his birthday. While this is related to a specific event, we tend to do this in other areas as well, but this was a recent event, so I figured I’d share! Her vent went a little like this:

How could he forget what I got him for his birthday? Does he not care? Did he not really like it? I always get a few meaningful gifts and a few fun gifts. Every gift I put a so much thought into, gathering information throughout the year of what might make a great gift. Is this all for nothing? If he can’t remember, it obviously wasn’t that great, was it? Why is it he can remember the most random stories or things about other people, but not even me? What other things are meaningless to him? Why do I even bother?

STOP. What’s wrong here? Take a second and evaluate exactly what’s wrong with this scenario; this story that we often tell ourselves. There are so many things wrong here.

But let’s not be so hard on ourselves because the key here is AWARENESS. Being AWARE of these beliefs, stories, and ideas is nearly as important as not having those questions pop into your head in the first place.

First things first, there’s a lot of ego speak here. What I mean by ego speak, is that little (not so nice) voice in your head making you doubt and question everything – that’s your ego. When we let ego judge someone’s actions, intentions, and feelings all hell breaks lose… it’s ugly. To be our best, most present self, we must lock that little ego up in a box and never let it out.

How do you do that? In an upcoming post, I’ll discuss more about exercises and other ways to make sure you’re mental and emotional muscles are stronger than your ego. In the meantime, in this situation it’s important to know that those voices questioning everything, are no good and are literally starting a downward spiral which will only take you to dark, dark places in your relationship. That’s not exactly where you want to be in your relationship after all, otherwise, I’m certain you wouldn’t be here reading this right now. Lastly, know that the ego does not convey truth. Which means, all those questions and doubts are not honest and clear assessments of the situation.

Next, let’s do a little reflecting. Go find a mirror and look at it. Not to beat yourself down of course, but to truly look deep into yourself and honestly ask yourself, “Have I ever forgotten something, ever?” Start to think of the things you’ve forgotten. Would it be fair to say, you’ve also forgotten things? I imagine so. No need to compare what you’ve forgotten, don’t even bother. Comparing does not serve us. Simply know that you are human, you have forgotten things. Maybe you remember later, but in that moment it doesn’t mean things haven’t slipped your mind for the moment. When we reflect, we are able to see that while we are all sorts of amazing, we certainly are not perfect, so why do we expect others to be perfect.

Most important on this topic: Men are totally different than woman. Obviously we know this, but often we forget how exactly men and woman are different. In the simplest of explanations, men are hunters and woman are gatherers. Hats off to Alison Armstrong for her amazing work and studies on this topic. She explains that woman, since the caveman and cave woman days, are gatherers, it’s simply our DNA. Women are wired to gather information, facts, memories etc. Think about how many mental notes you’ve made over the weeks, months, and years of what you man likes, dislikes, prefers, etc. Hate to break it to you ladies, but he’s not doing that and trust me THAT’S AWESOME.

A man, going back again to ancient times, is a hunter by nature. They look for what they need and get it. They don’t take notes. The easiest example of this is when you send a man to the grocery store and ask him to pick up spaghetti sauce. A woman knows the aisle, the shelf, the color of the label, and the price… am I right?! A man knows: spaghetti sauce, it’s all the same. Go hunt. Why do you think he often brings home what you wanted, but maybe not EXACTLY what you wanted. It’s a hunter vs gatherer mindset.

Remember you, by nature, are wired to remember and “gather” information and details, which is wonderful and important in a relationship. A man, may not remember all the details, but he will hunt for the things you need to protect and provide for you. It’s an incredibly powerful balance.

There are a few other things happening here in this event, which we will discuss further in our next post:

Emotional Stacking

Talking in Extremes

Until then, don’t let ego speak control your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Reflect rather than judge. Remember, by nature, men are hunters and woman are gatherers.

Wishing you an abundance of love,

Amanda