“Have you read the 5 love languages?” A good friend asked me as if I might have been the last person on Earth to read it.
“No, what’s it about?”
“You have to read it, it’s a game-changer.”
File game changer under most overused words in the personal development industry. EXCEPT when it comes to the 5 love languages. This book is a brilliant guide to better connect with, love and appreciate anyone in your life, especially your significant other.
The 5 love languages are essentially the ways we both communicate our love but most importantly it’s the way we FEEL loved and cared for.
Seems simple right? Well, the tricky part is that not all of our love languages are the same. Though there are many types of love languages, Dr. Gary Chapman discovered after many years of relationship counseling that there are mainly 5 love languages that people use to express love.
- Words of affirmation: “You’re so beautiful” “I’m so proud of you” “You did great honey” “I’m so grateful for you” “I appreciate you”… you get the point. It’s singing their praises.
- Acts of Service: Taking out the trash, running errands, helping with dinner. It’s DOING something of service for your partner
- Quality time: this could be a movie, a date, snuggle time on the couch, or a great conversation. Anytime where you just get to connect through spending time together
- Physical touch: a kiss, massage, holding hands, you name it. A simple hug can light this person up like a Christmas tree
- Receiving gifts: Need to say more? Big or small – a gift is one of the top 5 love languages that mean the world to some people.
One key to success that Dr. Chapman points out in his popular book “The 5 Love Languages” is that typically we only speak OUR love language. However, your partner may not share that same love language. This is as if you spoke Spanish and you travelled to China and expected them to understand you and vice versa. So it’s wildly important that we figure out what our love language is AND super important that we figure out what our partners love language is so that we can truly connect and love in their language.
I remember a while back thinking my husband Jairek got a TON of praise online, via text, and email etc. He’s wildly loved and adored for all the right reasons. However, I thought, when we first started dating, that maybe I’d give him gifts instead to show him I loved him because after all, what good would praise do if everyone else has that covered.
Well…. Boy was I wrong. After we took the 5 love languages test, we found out that words of affirmations is one his MAIN love languages. I felt a little disappointed in myself that all this time I was trying to speak to him in a love language that wasn’t his. Heck it wasn’t even mine.
So long story short, it really put us on the same page in terms of how to show each other our love. Though we often default to our own love languages (as if English or Spanish were our native tongue), it’s super important to take the quiz on Dr. Chapmans site and read the book to understand which love languages you and your husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, sister, brother, dog (jk) speak..
In the meantime, we also made this little cheat sheet of how to show up and speak their love languages with some super easy ideas! Enjoy and please share if you found this helpful!