For better or for worse, I am the epitome of the oldest child. You know the go-getter, over achiever, 4.0 student, president of this, captain of that, make-parents-proud type of kid that just made things happen. Needless to say, that made it a little hard for someone to date me because when there was something I wanted or needed from them, I’d just go do it myself, which can be very emasculating. A man wants to provide for his woman. When you don’t communicate what you need, it makes a little hard for them to provide for you.
I also made the mistake, I know a ton of other woman do as well, and that was ASSUMING men should JUST KNOW what we want or need. I don’t know when and where this was taught, but I’m going to set the record straight: men are NOT mind readers. Half the times we don’t know what we want, how the heck are they supposed to! Let’s be real. That in and of itself has provided SO much clarity. In fact, when we assume they know (or should know) what we want or need, we are just setting them up for failure! How rude!
Old me: In past relationships, part of me was worried I would appear ‘too needy’, so I never asked for what I wanted or needed. Another part of me had this story or belief that ‘if he cared, he would just do it without me asking. Therefore, he obviously doesn’t care”, so I ended up feeling like he didn’t really love me because he didn’t provide what it was I needed from him most.
New me: Today, I now realize how incredibly important it is to communicate your needs and wants in a relationship and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Thank God those days of thinking ‘he should just know’ are over. Not only did it cost me a few relationships, it also cost me lack of fulfillment and happiness in those relationships, more importantly.
These days, I’m a TON better in this area. I’m no longer frustrated or disappointed that things didn’t happen as I’d hoped or wanted. In fact, my fiance LOVES to things for me. The more I share with him, what it is I need or want and how amazingly happy and loved it would make me feel, the MORE he wants to do things for me. He wants to be my hero and he is, over and over again. I couldn’t be more grateful for him.
So two main areas I was totally screwing up in relationships:
1. didn’t now how to ask for what it was I needed
2. expected him to just know
and a 3rd area I see many woman do all to often to their man (I’m sure I’ve been guilty of this in the past too):
3. complaining about what they DON’T do, instead of being grateful for what they are doing for you. (this is cancer to a relationship!!)
So I wanted to share this video with you I recently did on JRCtv discussing this topic on how to ask your man (whether your boyfriend, fiance or husband) what you want from him and so you can get what you need to be the best YOU.
Here are 3 simple steps that will literally change your relationship for the better!
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