What is your relationship model?
Keeping a long term relationship takes a lot of hard work. While some people are successful in having a long term relationship, others are not. This is because of any misunderstanding due to conflicting priorities which becomes a person’s relationship principle, ideals and beliefs. Some people do not fully understand it, but it is usually the main reason why a relationship thrives or fail. Misunderstandings, if unresolved, can cause hurt feelings and eventually lead to the choice of no longer wanting to be together.
This core priority is called “Relationship Models.”
Understanding what your relationship model is and identifying your partner’s can actually minimize any conflicts in your relationship. There are 4 main relationship models that have been identified by Alison Armstrong at www.understandingmen.com which can help us to fully understand relationships:
Legacy Model –
This is a relationship model where the focus is usually on the children – parents/ couples ensure that their children succeed even more than them. When you have this type of relationship model, you would usually think of what’s going to be the best for your children. In the absence of children, the focus or priority can be in other areas such as power, wealth or contribution, etc.
Companionship Model –
The main priority in this model is being together and “doing life together.” Sharing the common interest and getting along easy is on top of their list.
Support Model –
People whose priority is based on supporting and providing your partner’s personal goals or dreams. They expect the relationship will support them in their life outside the relationship (i.e. career, passion, mission, and goals).
Karma Model –
This is the most recent type of relationship model. Partners are chosen based on how much you challenge each other to grow personally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.
Examples of the 4 Relationship Models:
Conflict 1: If you have a mission in life even before you started a relationship (or even if you have identified your passion – and it involves you being away from home most of the time) and if your partner’s priority is based on companionship model and you have not identified both relationship models, eventually you are going to hurt each other’s feelings. You, with a mission, are likely to want someone to support your goals, dreams or aspirations and they would understand that it is okay. While your partner (companionship model) would think, “why he/she doesn’t want to be with me at home or do things together, etc.?”
Conflict 2: When your partner’s priorities are based on the Karma Model, it is likely that they will push your buttons. In turn, if you feel otherwise or your priorities are based on the Support model – you are likely to develop feelings of hurt towards your partner. That is if they push your buttons the wrong way. But on the other hand, if your partner pushes your button and challenges you the right way, it could coincide with the support model.
If you are able to recognize and identify your relationship model as well as your partners, then you will be able to fully understand each other and nurture your relationship.