How To Stop Fighting in a Relationship + Power Questions

There are a handful of differences between couple that stay together and couples that split, or people that date like it’s their job and people who have long lasting relationships. One huge factor is flexibility. There’s an INdirect relationship between flexibility and fighting. The less flexible you are, the more fighting you will do because you aren’t willing to work together (keyword: together) to find a happy medium or solution. The more fighting you do, the less flexible you are because you’re upset, angry, spiteful, resentful, hurt.

Here’s are a handful of power questions to help stop a fight before it starts:

Does it really matter?
Is it really that important?
Is this really worth a fight?
What if I did this for them? How would that make them feel and in turn make me feel?
In 10, 20, 50 years from now would I wish I fought less and loved more?
Am I being selfish or selfless? Which would I rather be?
Is there a solution that meets a bit both of what we want?
Why do I want what I want? Is it a need or just a want?
Am I being inflexible and fighting to make a point? Is making a point really worth a fight? Would I rather make it a point to be flexible, caring, understanding?
What’s a better, more loving, caring, and genuine way to maintain a sense of self, identity or independence?

It seems with age we become more “stuck in our way”. Remember in your teens and 20’s how free and flowing you were? As we move into our 20s and 30s we become more and more ridged, less flexible, because “this is the way I like it.” Listen closely for who you are focused on, it’s only YOU. In a relationship there are TWO people. News flash, it’s not all about you. If you want to be in a relationship, a long-lasting, loving relationship you have to remember it’s not all about you anymore. How fun is a party of one anyway?

Life (and love) becomes MORE fun, exciting, spontaneous, passionate, and adventurous when you open up to new ideas, change and ‘mixing it up’ once in a while!

Here’s the thing, often times we feel a need to express a sense of self, of independence, or identity. What’s important is being aware of what really matters and what’s really important. Being flexible and more agreeable on things that don’t really matter is incredibly important. If it’s not important, if you don’t really care, don’t protest a decision simply for the sake of proving your independence. Stop creating unnecessary noise. Find a healthier, more productive way, to express yourself!

In the end, would you rather look back on your ability focus on what really mattered in life, OR the misery caused by things that didn’t really matter? (rocking chair test courtesy of Jairek)

Remember to lead with love and be flexible,
Amanda