Last time we talked about a scenario in which a girlfriend was doing a bit of over analyzing (like us woman do!). Her guy forgot about a gift she previously bought him for his birthday and like that ego speak tore her to pieces.
It’s important to give yourself props for being aware of what is happening in the moment. She was certainly aware of what was going on, slightly after these thoughts flooded her mind. As we began talking and sorting out this physical and emotional reaction that overcame her, I explained there was a lot of ego speak, zero reflection, and a misunderstanding of how men and women store information. It’s all good though, the most important part is being aware of what happening. Being aware allows us to take action to make the most out of your relationship.
There were a few other things happening in that scenario. Emotional stacking and talking in extremes were also two powerful forces in that downward spiral. Downward dog, awesome!! Downward spiral, not awesome…
Let’s start with emotional stacking. There are two ways you can essentially stack your emotions:
Positive and empowering stacking: Imagine a pyramid. The bottom of the pyramid is a foundation. It’s the strongest, most important part of the pyramid that keeps it insanely strong and resilient. You can trust and know that it’s rock solid and reaching for the stars. (slightly cheesy, but totally true!)
Negative and harmful stacking: Imagine an inverted, or upside down, pyramid. The pyramid is comprised of things starting very small. Then, the stacking of negative thoughts, which seemingly become bigger and heavier, start to cause unbalance and uncertainty of (inevitably) when and which way the pyramid will fall and come crashing down.
Now stop for a second and think about how your thoughts usually stack or pile up… Do you find yourself stacking positive thoughts, feelings or emotions? Or do you typically find yourself stacking the negative ones? The unfortunate answer is probably the negative ones. Why? Because the negative emotions are the food of our ego (more about ego later). It causes hurt and pain, which immediately kills our happy, IF YOU LET IT.
Now ask yourself this, if these two pyramids were to define or illustrate our relationship(s), which would you rather they be? Note this isn’t just our intimate relationship, this could be the relationship we have with ourselves, our friends, our colleagues.
So here’s my challenge to you (this is something I do regularly to stay present, silence ego, and thoroughly love and appreciate everything that my fiance, friends, family, peers do)
Start stacking the positive emotions and actions of the man (or woman!) you’re seeing, dating, married to, etc. Think of all the times they’ve expressed or showed their love. What was it they said or did? When was the last time they kissed, hugged, or touched you in an affectionate way? How did it feel? Then think of another time that happened? Think of a time when they last made you smile or laugh?! How hard did you laugh? When was the last time you had crazy fun together? How did you feel in that moment? When is the last time you had each others back, were singing each others praises, and cheering each other on? Keep flooding your memory of these emotions, stacking these emotions. How do you feel?
Feels a lot better living in this space, in this positive pyramid, right? When you’re here you likely feel a lot lighter, more vibrant, and most importantly LOVED. Let’s live in this positive space and not the negative one.
Emotional stacking is incredibly powerful which ever way you go about it. Just remember which way you want to be stacking to have a healthy, passionate, positive, and rock solid relationship!
Though I was hoping to touch on “talking in extremes”, I think this topic might be best for a later post because emotional stacking and pyramids are so powerful, I’d rather leave you with that to ponder… Ponder 🙂 It’s truly such an important exercise, I hope you find it useful next time you start to stack negative thoughts or emotions and start stacking the positive ones!
Lastly! That’s not to say you less than positive emotions are not valid, they certainly can be. It’s just important to know that sometimes we let things build up and that’s not healthy. Make it a point to truly toss the negative emotion out the window OR talk about it to completely get it off your chest. In another post we will talk about the best advice for men and women to share and receive such feedback, it’ll blow your mind!
In the next blog, we’ll discuss the effects of talking in extremes. In a nutshell, it’s when a person commonly uses phrases such as “always” and “never”. We all do this without knowing how incredibly hurtful it can be to the people around it, especially in our intimate relationships. So, stay tuned!!!
With heaps of love,
Amanda
[…] couple days I discussed a scenario and broke down a few key elements such as ego speak, emotional stacking, and talking in extremes to name a few. I have yet to break down ego speak for you, but I will in a […]