It’s so much easier to blame someone else for supposed wrong-doing than it is to take the blame ourselves especially when you’re fighting.
Why is that?
Perhaps it’s because, if we were to blame, that mean we would be flawed or imperfect? God forbid. I mean that can’t be possible can it? (insert sarcastic tone)
Oh it can be, and it is.
We are not perfect and we are all indeed flawed in someway. But does that mean that we cast blame on each other for our imperfections? Or should we love each other for our perfect imperfections?
The moment we fail to get gut level honest with ourselves and love each other for even our weakness and shortcomings, we stop holding ourselves accountable to be the best we can be. Instead we simply pass the buck.
When we stop looking into the mirror at deciding to take action for our own short-comings, to take charge of raising out standards. These are the moments that we fail most in our relationships.
When we blame, we fail. When we blame, no one wins. When we blame, we are highlighting a clear weakness of our own. That is, a willingness to understand, to lead with compassion and love, to learn and to grow with one another. When we blame, we fail to do any of those things.
So the next time you decide to blame your significant other, whether your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife, stop and ask yourself a new question and make a better decision.
- Who wins when I blame? (answer: nobody wins)
- Does ‘being right’ build my partner up or break them down?
- When I blame am I pointing out the best in them or the worst?
- Would I rather us be two opposing teams, or one loving team?
- How can we learn and grow from this together?
- How can I be a better support system for my partner so he or she knows we are in this together?
- How can I learn and grow from this experience to be a better version of myself?
Find at least one area to improve and make it top priority for the next 2 weeks, or until it becomes a new habit.