I’ve been flipping through this book “Fighting for Marriage”. It’s been a great book so far and one that is I’m sure benefit anyone in (or looking for) a relationship whether you’re married or not.
Last night I read a section from “Fighting for Your Marriage” about technology and relationships. It was simply highlighted that our connection with technology in any form: social media, text messaging, e-mail etc, is causing trouble in relationships.
It got me thinking about how technology fits into my relationship with my husband. Hopefully there are some nuggets in here that may benefit you as I go through the problems and solutions we came up with.
One thing to note is that we look how technology fits in, rather than fighting against it. Not to say there hasn’t been moments of frustration over a mild attachment to our cellphones, there has. The key is digging deeper into the problem rather than just bickering about surface level annoyances. By diving deep, we are able to meet each others needs without feeling like it’s me (or him) vs cell phone.
Here’s what I mean:
Surface problem: “You’re always on your phone”
Whether it’s your email inbox overflowing or checking the number of “likes” on Facebook, it’s easy to find yourself checking your phone on the regular.
The REAL problem: Your significant other isn’t feeling all that significant if you’re attention is easily taken away from him/her by your phone. It may feel like something (on your phone) is more important than your relationship especially is if this is happening during moments of quality time OR cutting down the amount of quality time you have together.
The Solution: Talk to each other about what “rules” you may have around cell phones so you know what each of you had in mind. Then, set fair boundaries to allow your relationship to take priority so that neither of you feel inferior. These boundaries should be ones that you both agree to and leaving your both feeling loved and respected.
How this worked for us: We decided to turn off cell phone alerts & sounds. (Sounds crazy, I know, but it’s a game changer!!) Those little notifications that pop up on your screen are very distracting at work, at a social gathering or simply while watching a movie snuggled up together. We turned them off. We also don’t bring our phones to bed, we try to turn them off around 9pm for the night. We snuggle before grabbing our phones. Putting our phones in airplane mode while we are sleeping also minimizes distractions during the night.
In sum, there may still be moments when we need or want some extra lovin’ or attention from each other and rather than getting fussy about cell phones, we share what we need. By doing this, we are getting right to the root of the problem and not getting caught up on noise.
These strategies have truly made each of us feel important without feeling threatened by having mild, dare I say dependency, on our cell phones for life, biz, and travel.
That’s all for now, hope that helps and I’d love to hear in the comments below what worked for you when it comes to cell phones and technology and/or what problems you’re currently faced with in your relationship balancing the two.
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P.s. no apple watches currently. totally violates that “no notification” strategy that we love so much.