Let’s face it, we’ve all probably dated someone that we look back now and think “Great person, but what was I thinking? That relationship was going nowhere…”
Many people get into relationships for very simple and surface reasons. Whether it’s proximity that started that relationship or simply compatibility, these are components for a short term relationship. A relationship based on those factors may only last a handful of years, if you don’t focus on the bigger picture. Unfortunately the recipe for a fulfilling and ever lasting relationship isn’t that simple.
Imagine a relationship, in both length and fulfillment, is like a road trip. Whether dating, or married, imagine the initial attraction began because both people have a driver’s license. Then, they find out they both like to drive. They decide to go on a road trip because it sounds like fun it’s naturally what people do who like to drive. And then finally, they take off. Both get in the car and start driving. While it starts out fun and exciting, with different stops, memories, taking turns at the wheel, they never really map out what they both wanted to explore, where they wanted to go, and what ultimate purpose or driving force is of the road trip. In fact, while they take turns napping, the other is driving and only one person is then deciding what direction they go. Though it was fun in the beginning, they end up missing half the places they wanted to go, they have no idea where they are going, and they are only left with missed expectations. They are now looking back with regret instead of forward with faith.
How do you think this relationship will end up? Where do you think you’ll go? How long do you think it will last?
You’re smart, or you wouldn’t be reading this blog 😉 So, I know you know the answer. It’s likely a disaster. In the beginning, it’ll be a ton of fun and pretty exciting too, but without common goals and defined mission, this relationship will surely fizzle out.
Here’s my challenge to you:
Whether dating or married, or somewhere in between, talk about your values, your goals, and your mission in life. Then, talk about what those look like as a couple. It’s insanely empowering to share what’s most important to you in life and your relationship, both now and in the future. When we just assume our values, goals, and mission are the same, we are essentially the couple that “both have driver’s licenses and love to drive and want to go on a road trip”. A relationship simply won’t last based on the fact that you both like being in a relationship and want to be married one day and will probably have children too.
Define Your Values: What’s most important to you in life and in your relationship. Is it faithfulness, laughter, adventure? Maybe you both value giving back and personal growth. Write down your relationship values together. values you and your partner list will help define the pillars of your relationship.
Set Common Goals: Having personal goals are great and should be shared so your partner may support you. Be sure to also have shared goals mapped out too. Do you want to spend more time together take more vacations together? Do you want to lose weight or run a half marathon together? Maybe you want pay off debt together or travel the world together. Whatever your goals, make sure you have some for your relationship too!
State Your Mission: What is something greater than yourselves that you both are passionate about? Is it raising children? Is it a global humanitarian effort like clean water or ending world hunger? Maybe it’s faith in God. Create a well defined mission for your relationship. This will be the driving force that gives you the longevity you both desire in a beautiful relationship.
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