In a previous post we highlighted how the movie Fifty Shades of Grey displayed a perfect example of how sex and orgasms can play a role in emotions and a feeling of “falling in love”. Read more on that here.
As promised there was another great lesson for us all to learn from fifty shades: How fantasies are totally different for men and women.
So this is a huge lesson for anyone dating, or in a relationship, because without understanding this topic fully you’re bound to have major misunderstanding in the bedroom. If you don’t understand how fantasies differ between men and women, then it’s very possible you end up like the heart breaking ending that was Fifty Shades of Grey.
You see there have been many studies on this topic and here’s what University of Montreal out about fantasies:
It was established that, overall, man had more fantasies and women. Researchers also noted that male subjects described the revisions more vividly. Additionally, while a good percentage of women said that they did not want to actually see these fantasies come true, a majority of the men said that they look forward to their fantasies becoming reality. The study also highlighted that men often imagined themselves in extramarital relationships, while women were more likely to fantasize about other partners.
Now, whether you’ve watched Fifty Shades of Grey or not, this is insanely important information for what actually happens in bed. Understanding that just because a woman shares, or acts interested in, a certain fantasy, does NOT mean she ACTUALLY wants to do it.
Most importantly, not listening to your gut and challenging each other you can destroy your relationship by simply not understanding this fundamental difference between men and women. There couldn’t be a better example than that of the final scene in 50 shades.
Basically, if you’re hoping to act out a fantasy make sure that you know how the other partner would feel about it actually happening.
So here’s my challenge for you:
- Share your fantasies with each other.
- Talk about which ones you’d like to possibly explore.
- Discuss how you’d HONESTLY feel about it happening.
- Ask each other if you think it poses any risks- changes your view of each other, stability or security of the relationship.
- If there’s any doubt whatsoever that it’s a good idea, than it’s not worth doing it. Especially if the woman feels uneasy.
- Explore only the fantasies that you share and are 100% secure in where it’s going to take your relationship.
Regardless of whether you’re dating, in a serious relationship, or married, what can happen when we violate someone or the relationship, it can leave permanent damage. Tell me Anastasia isn’t going to look at men differently after her final encounter with Christian…
We must understand and respect how the opposite sex views fantasies in the bedroom.
In the movie, just like real life, if a woman is confused or questioning why you would want to do x, y, or z… then there’s a great chance she’s not feeling loved, connection, or passion between the two of you… and feeling those things is CRUCIAL for a woman in a serious, loving, and meaningful relationship.
Sorry guys, but if you’ve got to be careful and instead of simply going for it because it sounds fun, take a step back and ask each other and yourself how you’ll feel after the fantasy has taken place. If it’s not putting you in a better place in your relationship, then scratch it. It’s not worth it, especially if you want your relationship to last.