I was thinking about this recently when I was apparently drugged, aka high on hormones (it was that time of of the month, ya know). I was emotional, sensitive, crying, pissy, just NOT my normal happy self. Then, when I wanted him to pull me closer, I noticed him backing off a little. (Rightfully so! Hello, I was kind of a nightmare to be around!)
So that’s when I do what I do best – I looked in the mirror (figuratively speaking!). When I did I thought “Look at me, I’m not loving, caring, free, flowing… I’m a tornado of emotions. I’m sensitive and overreacting to everything he (or anyone) does.” I couldn’t even love myself in the moment. That’s when it clicked. If I can’t be loving right now, how can I expect anyone else to love me?Maybe it doesn’t sound so profound reading it, but my challenge to you is to ask yourself this regularly: If YOU can’t love you, who can?
Now, sure it’s easy to say yes when you are your best (hello, aren’t we all irresistible when we are our best selves?)! But when you aren’t your best (late for work, flat tire, terrible meeting, dog ate your shoe, huge zit, whatever!!) would you still date you? The thing is, it’s important that even when life throws you lemons, you make grape juice, then sit back while the world tries to figure out how you did it!
Now, you might be like “it’s not me blahblahblah” and could argue that it’s him. (I’ll stop you right there! No blame games, got it!?!) Here’s what I mean, maybe you’ve been waiting on your man to, say I don’t know, take out the garbage, get off of his phone, remember all of your best friends names, whatever… and you feel like you’ve had it up to here and you’re about to explode if it goes on one more minute… and it does.
So you snap. You say something short, sassy, maybe use foul language, or worse start speaking in 1-2 word sentences such as “nothing” or “I’m fine”, so he legitimately things nothing is wrong and that you are actually fine. This is a problem.
Here’s the thing, we let ourselves become so overwhelmed with “stuff” that we let it drive our lives, love and emotions. If we cannot productively handle the curve balls life throws at us, we’ll likely not only hurt ourselves, but everyone around us. Ultimately, you’ll end up feeling empty and alone.
So let’s change this:When you’re a little grump monster, stop, and ask yourself this:
Would you want to talk, hang out, go out, play, flirt, kiss, make love to, or even be in the same room as you when you aren’t your best? The likely answer is NO. NO. NO. NO. and it’s cool. Totally understandable. Frankly, when I’m not my best me, I don’t like me either. But here’s the deal… The more you keep pulling that crap, the more you’re going to push people away, the most important people, the people you love.
So here’s how to turn this hot mess around and start being so awesome you can hardly stop yourself from wanting to date you!
1. Check in with yourself. The second you feel tension, grumpiness, anger, resentment, or anything unloving, you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself. I mean truly truly check in before things get ugly: Did you get enough sleep? Do you need to eat? Maybe a walk, fresh air, jumping jacks, or any movement is needed to shake this funk, get moving! Whatever it is, you need to check in, take action and get ahead of it before you snap and say or do something you might later regret.
2. Remember to focus on what is, not what isn’t. What are you grateful for? What is awesome?! What is going right!? Don’t let negative thoughts creep in and rob you of the happiness you deserve. Make this a daily ritual which you go over each morning and night. Write down these lists in a journal to internalize this goodness!
3. Find a productive, healthy outlet. It’s certainly not healthy to hold onto and stack our emotions, so find an outlet. This could be the gym, yoga, walking, mediation… anything to clear your mind. Remember men are not woman, so he cannot feel how you feel and he certainly can not read your mind. Furthermore, when there is a problem, they will want to fix it, not just listen to/about it. Rather than wishing he did or could feel how you feel, share with him in a loving, compassionate way. Let him fix, what he can fix for you.
Though it’s kind of a long one, I hope that helps. It certainly helped me, get clear headed, and allow my man to step in and be there for me and for us to love, learn, and grow through days when there seems to be a little less sunshine!