There is one habitual word that will absolutely kill any relationship.
This word is present in many relationships. Rather than building your relationship up and allowing it to grow into the beautiful life long love that so many dream of, it’s tearing it down as well as the person you’re dating or married to.
This word isn’t one that we should take lightly, nor is it one that we should beat ourselves up for being guilty of using. The goal is to simply become more aware of the relationship killing habits in our dating and married lives. Likewise, we want to change these habits in a way that not only allow us to be our best selves, but bring out the best in our partners and spouse as well.
Before I get into exactly what the habitual word is, let’s first understand how this habit is created.
Often times people date or get into a relationship because a person meets their many of their needs. When you first started dating your boyfriend or girlfriend you felt love in a way we’ve never been loved before. They had an amazing ability to make us feel special. The list goes on…
In the beginning, they met our needs in a way that made us believe they “should” always be meeting our needs all the time without exception or excuse because in the beginning they did. This belief allowed no room for growth, change, or adaption for the person that either of you were becoming.
More importantly, although people will enter a relationship because their needs are being met, they do so without considering or asking themselves “Do I meet my partners needs?”
Therein lies the problem. When we do not assess whether we meet the needs of our partner or spouse, we have a major problem. Now, what we need to do is start asking ourselves (and our especially the ones we love) how do we love, respect, care, support, and give in the relationship in a way that meets our significant others needs.
Well for more than one reason, but today I’m talking about the habit of saying or believing in “should”. My husband should be doing that. My wife should take care of this. My boyfriend should think of this. My girlfriend should understand that. We believe in “should” because those should’s meet our needs, without taking theirs into consideration.
This habit of believing that your significant other “should do this” or “shouldn’t do that” is one which can be insanely harmful to your relationship, a relationship killer. When we believe in “should”, we stop believing in our spouses, our partners, and loving them for exactly who they are.
Instead of falling in love with them just as they are, we have fallen in love with this idea, this box, this perimeter of who we believe they should be.
So the next time you think to yourself that your significant other ‘should’ be a certain way, I challenge you to apply that should to yourself instead of them by asking “How should I love them? On a part time basis when they are being who I want them to be OR for exactly who they are, always.”
Perhaps the answer will ring more clear when you ask yourself how you would want to be loved.