Two words that can destroy your relationship & dating life

Two words that can destroy your relationship & dating life

Always and Never.

If you remembered one thing from today, I hope it’s that.  Remember that ‘always’ and ‘never’ (in a negative frame of reference) can severely damage your relationship. So stop, just stop using those words.

A couple days I discussed a scenario and broke down a few key elements such as ego speak, emotional stacking, and talking in extremes to name a few. I have yet to break down ego speak for you, but I will in a later post. In the meantime, I want to break down how talking in extremes can be very toxic. By talking in extremes, I mean using the phrase “always” and “never”.

Before I go into a mini tangent about how and why these words can be very harmful, let me start by saying, I wish someone had given me this advice earlier. For this advice, you are welcome and no you don’t need to pay me, though if you do, you can pay me in gummi bears. Ahh, I digress…

I learned the hard way… a brutally honest wake up call from a guy I was kind of dating (read: highly incompatible with) in college. During a little spat, he called me out to let me know I was [unintentionally] using painful generalizations to describe his actions. From that moment forward I began to understand that those words are pretty brutal. Even when you are hurt, as I was in that moment, telling someone “you always do this (bad thing) and never do this (awesome thing)” only leaves you both feeling like little kittens that just had their fuzzy little tails stepped on with massive stilettos. It’s ugly and we need to refrain.

It damages relationships, and friendships for that matter, in two ways: mentally and emotionally.

Mentally it creates huge road blocks, not just obstacles, but concrete road blocks in your relationship. When you say “You never supports me” or “You always question me” , you may think you’re just stating the facts, right? Wrong.

Let’s start off by saying they (most likely) are not facts. If you truly thought about it, that would mean every single time, not just most of the time, but EVERY single time there was a chance to support you, they never…not once…not even tried to…support you. Are you picking up what I’m laying down!?

When you tell yourself, or say things such as, “they always/never do something”, you are internalizing it. You’re feeding that thought to your brain. Which essentially means your innocent brain is going to believe what you are saying is 100% true and that there is simply no way around it… not even a glimmer of hope. That stinks and it’s complete BS!

So, feed your brain the good stuff, you know the happy positive things. Don’t feed it the limiting beliefs of what is not possible or will never happen. Bleh!

Emotionally, it hurts because of the huge label you’re putting on your significant other. That label is basically reading that they are incapable of doing whatever it is you’re saying they always and never do. Now, while they could try and prove you wrong (the action you’re likely trying to evoke), you’ve already lost their attention because using the language “always” and “never” it’s evokes a message that, everything about to be said, will be said in extremes. Therefore, why even bother listening because the rest is far from the truth as you speak in extremes.

It’s simply not productive, respectful, or loving language. My hope is that moving forward you think and speak, only use those terms in positive frames of reference and avoid using them in a negative one. After all, wouldn’t the world be a much happier place if it was filled with an abundance of love and massive respect.

Wishing you heaps and heaps of love,

Amanda

Next time, I’ll probably chat about ego speak because it’s been peaking people’s interest, or men + their plans = something you don’t want to mess up, or something fun and light hearted. Either way, they’ll be great!!