“Where have all the good men/women gone?”
This is a lament that I hear regularly when I talk to singles when I am out and about that want a real, lasting, intimate relationship. Regardless of age, it seems that everyone seems to be struggling with this particular challenge. Well, I’m here to tell you that they have it all back to front.
There is a saying of putting the cart before the horse. For the youngsters that may be scratching their head at this old-fashioned thing called a proverb, let me explain. Many years ago, before the advent of the mass-produced automobile and its widespread usage, people relied heavily on a cart or wagon that was pulled by a horse. This is because the most effective way of moving a load is to pull it. If you put the horse behind the wagon and get the horse to attempt pushing the wagon or cart, it doesn’t work. This is the same when it comes to finding a partner for an intimate relationship. Allow me to explain.
The best way for me to illustrate this is to use the concept of online dating to explain the cart and horse scenario. The vast majority of people who partake of online dating, do so by talking up their own profile, using photos that are of them at a younger age, and embellishing certain aspects of their hobbies, likes, dislike behaviors, etc. This is because they have a belief that if they attract a high-quality partner, they can then have the great relationship that they have always wanted. For this reason, most people get very frustrated and disappointed with online dating. If everyone is telling porkie pies about who they are, it will be nearly impossible to attract that partner that they desire for an intimate relationship. These people are putting the cart before the horse. They are being very ineffective with their online dating which also translates into their real-world dating too.
If you took the logical and unfortunately not very common method of putting the horse before the cart and not behind it, you would find that your results dramatically improve. How is this so, you may ask. I know that this is so, because I did it, and I have spoken to many people who also do this. The better, more effective, more efficient and more satisfying method is to become the best version of you first. This means that you are now putting the horse before the cart, you are doing it right. How is this the right way, you ask. I’m hearing you.
If we become a partner of high quality, in which we become more sociable, a better communicator, more stable, more reliable, more trustworthy, more desirable, and all of the other attributes, qualities, behaviours, habits, and skills that make up a high-quality partner, then it becomes blindingly obvious that you will attract a higher quality partner. The really cool part is that because you are now high quality, you will not settle for someone lower in value than yourself, and will naturally attract that higher quality partner. The really cool part is that because you attract someone of quality, they will naturally want to be a better version of themselves, the same as what you will be trying to do. If you are both becoming a better version of yourself, then by the law of natural influence, the quality of your relationship has to increase as well. This means you set up a cycle of you becoming a better version, them becoming a better version, your relationship becoming a better version, you become a better version and so on.
If everyone that decided to do online dating (and by extrapolation, real-life dating) then there would be more high-quality intimate relationships as everyone would want to put their true profiles up, extolling their virtues, values, qualities, and behaviors without embellishment, while also expecting and receiving a reciprocated response. Unfortunately, that probably won’t happen because people have a lot of fears about being judged, rejected, embarrassed and more. This means you have a choice. You can keep doing what you are doing online, using the same tools and processes and getting the same result or you can start the journey of becoming the better version of you, becoming more socially competent, more confident, a better communicator, a more engaging and interesting person, and learn to be comfortable with this new and improved version of you. The choice is yours.
I know this works because this is what I did. I decided to take responsibility for my results, spent years learning, experimenting, using trial and error about my various skills, abilities, knowledge, tools, and processes to become a better version of me, rather than expecting my partners to change. I chose to become the inspiration for them to become better versions of themselves as well.
My relationships did a quantum leap after that decision and I am now married to a lady who is not only who I want as a partner, she is also who I need in a partner. I became high quality and attracted someone who was waiting for the right person to unleash her high-quality-ness to and so we both received the best intimate relationship we have ever had and it is great. I created a system so that I could get that result that I had been after and have used that on my own relationship as well as teaching others. You can use the same steps to transform your intimate relationships too.
Here are the 6 P’s to finding the one:
This is understanding yourself and others. It is basic psychology and understanding how we create our reality, how our beliefs are created and reinforced, why we do things the way that we do, knowing how people see and process the world differently so communication and understanding is enhanced. Knowing this minimizes future conflict because you can see things more easily from their perspective and communicate your perspective more easily as you can describe your point of view in their language.
This is learning about yourself, how you present to the world, how you are perceived by others and how you perceive them. This is discovering what makes you amazing as a partner, and also as a parent, friend, colleague, and family member. It is increasing your value which increases your confidence and self-worth.
This is where you can approach people with a plan that allows you to match up your potential partner by knowing your matching, complementary and learning aspects of your future relationship. Using the established pattern of getting to know someone with the addition of crafted questions to quickly ‘qualify’ them to date you, ultimately saves you time, effort and money which would have gone to wasted dates and invested emotions in relationships that are not right for you.
This is the ‘doing’ part of the system, where you fine-tune your efforts of turning your theory into usable, practical skills. This is where your social skills are honed, your ‘pre-dating’ step is refined and your confidence is built while becoming a more well-presented version of you. This allows the people who are matched with you to see the potential partner that they are getting in you so transitioning into a long-lasting intimate relationship is easier as they see your quality.
This step involves moving the person who is qualified to date you into a relationship by understanding attraction, building intimacy, creating chemistry, and building sexual tension. Aspects that are necessary to form all three parts of a relationship so that it is balanced and natural. This allows you both to grow and become the best version of a couple you can be.
Knowing how to deal with conflict without having actual conflict is one of the keys to a quality intimate relationship. Being able to communicate and build trust, respect, honesty, and intimacy is a cornerstone of your ideal relationship. Knowing why you are with that person, how they can naturally create an environment with you where you are able to grow with minimal effort but regular, focused moments of attention to the relationship. This is where you can be authentically yourself and be loved for who you really are.
Using this system has been tested by numerous people, ranging from people who have never had a partner, people who felt they could never find a partner because of things that had happened in their lives previously, through to others who felt they were too young, too old, too tall, too ugly. It works because it is all about you and allowing you to have the relationship that is right for you and understanding why.
If you’d like to know more and see if we could work together to create your individualized system, then we can have a ten-minute chat to see if we match. This allows me to work with people who are qualified to work with me ensuring the quickest and smoothest journey to your ideal intimate relationship. To book your ten-minute call, click HERE to book at a time that works best for you. I look forward to chatting and exploring if we can work together.