A new or different perspective can often provide much clarity, gratitude or understanding. This talk by Esther Perel gave a perspective on cheating that nearly shook me to my core.
I had intended to get some work done over the weekend, but after watching this video, I slammed my computer shut and ran downstairs. Throwing my arms around my husband I asked “Is there a part of you, you haven’t explored? That you feel you can’t express? Are your desires fulfilled?”
The very nature of psychology or personal development makes you analyze yourself. Being a woman, I’m already pretty dang OVER analytical… So when I dive into new relationship books, I naturally start analyzing our relationship/am I being a great wife/etc, etc, etc. Though I’m quite confident in myself and our relationship, I don’t want to be so full of myself. I think it’s important to do a check-in on the state of the union every once in a while in your relationship.
Back to this talk, what really got me was “Why do happy people cheat?” OMG. What?! We are so incredibly happy, in love, share our gratitude daily, snuggle, laugh, care for each other… we could/would never cheat – or could we? Talk about a hook, this question hooked me good.
After listening very closely, I remembered a whole other part of my myself, my hubs and our relationship that we needed to revisit or explore. You will too – just watch it!
So often we think men cheat out of boredom, she says. Yes, I nod. Women cheat out of hunger for intimacy, still nodding. I can imagine that being true.
However, what Esther highlights so well is that although cheating may happen for those reasons, that’s not why happy people cheat. Happy people cheat because there’s a part of themselves that feels dead inside, essentially. Keep reading…
They were the perfect housewife for years because that’s who society or your family wanted them to be. “It’s not their partner that they are turning away from, but the person that they’ve become.” she shares. (The same is true for men)
WOW. It’s not that they are looking for a new or different partner, it’s that they are looking to reconnect with another version of themselves that they have lost. They want to feel alive again. – READ THAT AGAIN –
Infidelity can also happen when something terrible happens in their life because that’s why people start to really question everything and look for ways to bring life back into their life and the parts of themselves they’ve lost.
This talk was powerful, moving, and a great reminder to always look for ways to keep yourself and each other feeling alive.
My favorite part was “I tell my clients, if they could bring 1/10 of the boldness and imagination that they put into their affairs, they’d never need to see me.” (Tip: bring even more passion and boldness into the bedroom/relationship)
So I needed to check in with my husband, and I did. All is amazing!! and because of this talk, I now have a new way to keep it that way – make each other feel alive!
This talk is a MUST watch. Let me know what you think/what you learned/what you’ll do about it!