In order to “make love last”… you must first begin to understand what “caused” love to occur in the first place. There are some very simple ways to describe this, here are a few of my favorite (some more scientific and some are more from the heart) enjoy!
Before we get into the strategy and insights around what “makes love last” lets first take a look into a few stories that might help us remember how beautiful true lasting love really is…
What this short clip of a couple that is a real life version of the “notebook”…
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and this AMAZING story of Coach John Wooden and his love…
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Here is a link to read a few more stories of couples that have done an incredible job and making love last… LastingLove.tv
Here are a few tips that these amazing couples shared that has allowed them to make their love last…
1. Be Gentle
No tearing down, no tearing apart just tell the person how much you love them. Make the other person feel good about themselves.
Forget about being coy or subtle just be direct and honest. Hoping that the other person is going to read your mind will most likely leave you feeling let down… just step up and tell them what you need, want and desire.
3. Influencing Each Other
Being willing and open to allow your spouse to help keep you in check to call you back in when you get a bit far out on the ledge in life is a key to make sure that you stay balanced and keep a level head over the years.
4. Keeping Score
“My wife’s happiness is my prime purpose in life. It isn’t sufficient that I tell her this over and over again. More importantly, I have to show her in as many ways as I can that I mean what I am saying when I say that. ” – Sol Sigall
Many couple believe that relationships are a 50/50 split. People must be willing to let go of the thought “if I put in x amount then I should get x amount” and just focus on giving 100% to the relationship no waiting for or wanting anything back except to see the other person light up with joy!
5. Know Yourself
This is especially important for women. Instead of just pushing your dreams aside to start a relationship or just forgetting about them all together… it is important to find a man who will help you to actualize those dreams and help you be the absolute best version of yourself possible.
6. Honoring Your Partner’s Dreams
It you remember a time in your life when you were able to take an idea, a thought or a dream and turn it into your reality… remember how amazing you felt? remember how proud you were? and how you wanted to celebrate that victory with all the ones you loved?
Well this is your opportunity to share that same experience with the one you love the most on earth!
7. It’s The Small Gestures That Really Count
Over time the BIG gestures of love will be fun, romantic and many times exciting. In the end it is all the little moments, gestures and simple acts of love that add up to fill up your heart and make the love last!
“The “masters” (couples together happily for a long period of time) have access to humor and affection even while they’re arguing and disagreeing.
Humor also reduces heart rate, particularly for guys. A wive’s sense of humor really is very effective. It’s soothing and has a long-term effect on the health of the marriage. So it’s important to marry funny women.” – John Gottman, Ph. D.
9. Conflict Resolution
You have to ask yourself … what is more important “being right” or “being in love”?
There will always be conflicts that come up over time, the key is to make sure you put the love you have for the other person higher on your priority list than being right in the moment.
10. Avoiding Divorce
“The #1 predictor of divorce is contempt. Contempt is really sulfuric acid for love” – John Gottman, Ph.D.
#1 rule… NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY!
When you realize that you are part of a team and start to put the teams needs before your own the team will grow. As the team grows YOU grow and all the time, effort and energy you are putting into the team will take you to a level that you could have never reached on your own.
12. Buidling A Shared Meaning System
Knowing what is MOST important to your partner and also to yourself will give you the ability to find the absolute most important things that you have in common. Once you identify them you will need to make sure to dedicate time to working on them together.
If you are a person who has experience with a long lasting relationship that still has the passion and spark that it did from the start… I’d love to hear from you and know what you feel it is that has made it last all these years. If you would please leave your comments below with your story and tips.