To get started I’m going to propose something, and I want you to take it on-board as best as you can while thinking about the person you’re having a relationship problem with. It might family, a friend, an intimate relationship or a work colleague. I want you to think about these particular insights I’m going to share and I want you to apply it as best you can, and be really honest with yourself.
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Here is the issue: Are you truly seeing this person for who they really are? Or are you projecting onto them and seeing an illusion? Now that may seem very theoretical but I’m going to give you 4 very specific ways that this can happen. And if you take this and apply it to all your relationships, I guarantee that your relationships will transform.
So I’m going to propose that there’s a possibility that the way that you see this person is not who this person really is. And I’m going to show you how this happens in 4 ways.
1. People will often relate to someone based on their past.
For example, in a relationship that you have with a friend, do you relate to your friend for who they are being in this exact present moment? Or do you relate to them as a collection of moments of the past – of things they’ve done, things they’ve said, and the way the relationship has been going until now. And I’m telling you, human nature and behavior is that you typically relate to the person based on the past. There are very few people that are consciously aware enough and holding presence enough that they relate to other human beings purely based on who they are being in the present moment.
What you need to understand is that there is a cost to this behavior. If you relate to someone as a collection of past moments, what happens is that you wait for them to repeat who they’ve been in the past. Now that’s fantastic if who they’ve been in the past is awesome and amazing.
The issue arises if that person has had their ups and downs with you, perhaps some things went great in relationship with you, but also they have had their challenges with you and perhaps they have hurt you in the past, and now you’re trying your best to build a healthy relationship going forward. But, while trying to create that new relationship dynamic now and for the future, you are simultaneously relating to them as their past. This means you are not allowing them to be who they are right now, through just being in the present. Instead, you’re looking for evidence of past behavior and you don’t even realize that you’re doing it. It’s like we almost wait for someone to repeat events of the past, to treat us the way they’ve treated us in the past. Our focus is on that, instead of focusing positively on what we do want and a new path forward.
So you have this person standing in front of you, full of new possibility, but your mind only sees a collection of all the past moments in your memory that have gone before. And then you wait for this person in the present moment to reflect that back to you in some way. This happens either consciously or unconsciously. This steals the opportunity for this person to be different with you in this moment and steals your ability to see that person in the present moment for anything else… [continue learning about the 3 other ways why someone may not be living up to your relationship expectations by watching the video below]
This video and insight will help you to form new perspective and balance in dealing with someone not meeting your relationship expectations.
Stand back and assess the situation from a new angle… in a way that can transform the present and future potential, and depth of your relationships. This applies to any type of relationship – be it intimate relationships, family, friend or workplace relationships.
This great insight was shared by Bernadette Logue of Pinch Me Living. If you’re looking for a way to experience life and love on YOUR terms, check out Bernadette’s free 4-part video series “Live with Inner Peace“.