Ask for what you want or need in your relationship. But be sure to know the difference.
So often in relationships, especially new ones, we shy away from asking what we want. Perhaps we fear rejection, embarrassment, or are simply willing to bend in ways we typical wouldn’t for love we crave.
The truth is, when your happiness is just as important to the person you’re dating or married to, they will find a way to meet your needs.
Being fearful of rejection and not asking for what you want or need in a relationship, is really holding you back from realizing one of two things:
1. This is simply a want (not vital to your happiness or fulfillment) and not a need (something you absolutely cannot go without). Thus, not a deal breaker for the relationship. You can let this go.
2. If this is a need, maybe this isn’t the right match if they don’t meet your true and basic needs (better to learn this sooner rather than later). Not having your basic needs met in a relationship is far more major and shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Regardless, if we don’t ask for what we really want, most importantly what we need, eventually will look elsewhere to have those needs met. This often results in boredom, fighting, resentment, cheating, divorce, etc. No bueno.
Here’s what a little love challenge I have for you today:
- First, get clear in the things you want in your relationship. Make a list.
- Define which are actual needs versus just “wants” or “would be nice”.
- Share these needs list with your partner, from your heart, in a loving non-accusatory way.
- Give space for them to return the favor to make sure you’re also meeting their needs.
- Decide together what actions you’re going to take to make sure you can, will, and want to meet each others needs.
Here are a few things we often have trouble sharing, that might be really important topics to consider:
- Turning work off and have quality time together each day.
- Hear each other out when sharing viewpoints or opinions. Listen rather than interrupt.
- Asking for help rather than expecting it.
- Drinking too much. Knowing limits when it comes to ‘partying’ or drinking.
- Expectations for time with family, friends, work, etc.
- Understanding the meaning of a relationship for each of you.
Hope that helps you to feel more fulfilled, loved, and cared for!
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